Huevos Habaneros
by ArtificialAorta
Summary: In the Stark family, food solves most anything. Answers and explanations in the morning after Stark tries to kill Clint for impregnating Darcy. (Takes place after Pain Au Chocolat)


**Summary**: In the Stark family, food solves most anything. Answers and explanations in the morning after Stark tries to kill Clint for impregnating Darcy.  
**Characters/ Pairings**: Darcy Lewis/ Clint Barton; Tony Stark/ Pepper Potts  
**A/N:** The long time coming follow up fic to Pain Au Chocolate as well as the long awaited test results!  
**A/N2**: Sorry for silence from me guys. Been uber busy with exams, then graduating then starting a stressful job.  
Hope this fic is worth the wait. I watched Iron Man 3 last night and wanted some more Tony fic. More feels than I anticipated there to be though...  
**Warnings**: This takes place in my Stark Family Secrets 'verse where Tony is Darcy's father. This takes place after Pain Au Chocolat.

* * *

A sweet, warm voice pulled Tony towards the brink of consciousness. He decided to roll over and ignore it.

"Rise and shine pops," Darcy's voice announced before a sharp flick between his eyes woke Tony with a startle. He shouted, sitting up in the middle of his bed with a jump.

"Morning," greeted Darcy with a laugh. As Tony tried to wipe the drowsiness from his eyes and orient himself, a breakfast tray was placed in front him. "Eat up, coffee, orange juice, sausage, toast and my world famous huevos habaneros. No pain au chocolat I'm afraid."

"You didn't poison this did you?" Tony asked, his deranged actions coming back to him rather vividly. Stomach dropping, he took a close look at the eggs, knowing that egg based dishes were generally used to break bad news in the Stark household. "What did the doctor say?"

"I'm pregnant. Yay?" Darcy said with attempted cheer but it fell a little flat. Tony felt his stomach completely drop out of his ass and his chest start to constrict. All of the feelings of guilt and panic from the previous couple of days hit him with full force and his heartbeat pounded in his ears.

"And you're keeping it?" Tony asked through the borderline hysterics he was facing.

"Yeah. I mean, I thought about...not keeping it. Keeping it all a secret," Darcy began, looking down at her fidgeting hands with a mournful pause. Looking up out the window in front of them, she tried to continue with more confidence but it was obvious she wasn't entirely sure. "But I thought, well mom kept me and I'm happy to be here and you're a better person because of it."

"Darcy you don't have to have a baby to be a better person. You're already amazing," Tony insisted, tears starting to form in his eyes as he set aside his tray and took Darcy into his arms.

"I'm so scared," Darcy admitted, burying her head in Tony's neck and letting tears soak his skin. It almost pushed Tony over the edge but he fought to keep his cheeks dry and already felt himself automatically repressing everything. "I'm scared to keep it and I'm scared to get rid of it but I'm more scared to get rid of it."

"I know honeybee," Tony rubbed a hand up and down her back but the action and term of endearment seemed to make the tears run with more ferocity. "We'll get through this. We always do. No matter what you do, we'll get through this and everything will be okay in the end."

"I _have_ to keep it," Darcy stated, once her tears subsided, she blew her nose and wiped her face as she settled down next to her father. "I know I'm not ready but if I don't keep it then I'll always wonder what if. And I don't think Clint could ever come to terms with it. He's got enough guilt on his shoulders as it is. It's his baby too, you know?" Darcy tried to explain and Tony begrudgingly saw the illogic trying to make sense between the sentences. "I mean, he was freaking out but I could tell, he was kind of happy. Underneath it all."

"Why didn't you ever tell me about him?" Tony asked, shifting the subject slightly. He turned to put his tray back on his lap. He sipped at the coffee but wasn't sure if he could handle food anymore. No matter how good it all looked and smelled.

"The way you reacted isn't a good enough reason?" Darcy joked, taking the fork and starting to pick at the untouched food. Tony felt something that he thought was remorse. He couldn't be sure though. He'd never regret trying to kill the man who was sexing up his daughter. In fact he was probably going to out on the street to regale strangers with the epic tale. His face showed that he still wanted an answer though and Darcy's shoulders slumped.

"I don't know. It was all a secret for all so long. And I wanted to tell you but I guess I couldn't. It was like, I got used to hiding everything and at first he didn't want anyone to know. Then _I_ was afraid of people finding out. 'Cause SHIELD has a lot of assholes and they already have enough to talk about with how they think I'm not qualified without adding that I've been sleeping with Clint. You know?

"And I guess it was nice in a way. To be in a relationship where one of the biggest concerns was to make sure no one else found out about it. Made anything else we fought over seem insignificant. And to be completely honest, when we started out it wasn't actually a relationship so much as him being my go to sex man-" That comment made Tony's face contort into a soured expression but Darcy ignored it. "Then there were feelings I wasn't expecting and messes and that time where you and him got in a fight with the X-Men because Logan was flirting with me but was actually playing matchmaker because he's a softie deep down-"

"I knew there was a reason behind starting all that besides solidarity and not liking mutton chops."

"_And" _Darcy continued with the ease of someone who was used to Tony interjecting in between her long winded rants, "then we were in a real relationship which probably would have been a good time to tell everyone, but it just seemed easier to continue pretending. We'd got really good at it and, I was sort of afraid to tell you. Because I knew you'd be upset that I hadn't told you in the first place and was doing the nasty with one of your co-workers. I was already in a hole so thought, hell, why not dig it deeper?" Darcy rambled, not entirely sure why she hadn't just told everyone about the relationship. It was hard to explain her reasoning because she wasn't entirely sure what the reasoning was. It was all more gut reaction and guilt she wanted to ignore with bits of logic interlaced throughout. They fell into a comfortable silence and Tony was starting to relax enough to swallow a few bites of food.

"Hey, just so you know, you're definitely qualified for this job," Tony poked Darcy's side playfully. "In fact, you're the best thing to happen to them. Besides me."

"Thanks," Darcy smiled. "Are you still going to kill Clint when you see him?"

"No, as much as I'd like to. Just have to live with the footage left on the security feed. Unless you want me to," Tony sighed, though he'd be making diagonal eyebrows at his fellow Avenger for a while. "Hey, he hurts you and I'll be the first to kick his ass. I'm sure Rhodey'll join me. And Happy. It could be a party."

"Oh haha," Darcy rolled her eyes.

"So, you really like him?" Tony finally asked, face strangely impassive as he started to eat his breakfast.

"Yeah, I do," promised Darcy.

"And he's been treating you right?" he pushed.

"Yep," Darcy popped the p and took the coffee but frowned when the mug was at her lips. She put it back and went for the orange juice instead. "He's been very gentlemanly. In and out of the bedroom. Unless I ask him otherwise..." Darcy suggested, causing Tony to break and groan in frustration.

"Ugh, please, not while I'm eating. Or ever for that matter."

"I've seen women going in and out of your room like it was a Walmart on Black Friday. Let me have my fun."

"Your father has a weak heart you know."

"My father is a failed Science Fair experiment," Darcy tapped the glowing reactor in his chest, relieved that they had gone back to jokes and ribs.

"Clint says you owe him a new gun."

"I think waiving the price of a gun is hardly the bare minimum apology payment of impregnating my daughter," Tony said haughtily.

"Oh, you want a dowry now?" Darcy raised an amused eyebrow. "I'll remember to warn Clint. Oh...um, we've talked and he's moving in with me. I mean, not that a few floors away was far to begin with and most of the few things he own are already at mine but, yeah."

"Yeah," Tony sighed. Taking a large bite of the eggs, he chewed slowly as he contemplated where to take the conversation next. "I can't believe you told Coulson. I don't think I can ever forgive you for that one."

"I didn't actually tell him. He worked it out. Jane knew but she worked it out too. Which was weird because she's...well Jane and lives in a land of stale Pop Tarts, numbers and Norse Gods."

"So Coulson and an socially incompetent astrophysicist were able to work it out but I couldn't?" Tony asked.

"Hey, Coulson only really knew when he caught us about to shack up in his office."

"Not helping. I might throw up actually."

"Sorry."

"Darcy," Tony began suddenly, feeling a surge of emotion escape and well up. "I'm sorry," he said, staring directly into Darcy's eyes.

"I think you should be telling Clint that-"

"No, I mean I'm sorry I've been such a crap father over the years. All the drinking and women and not telling you I was dying that one time and just, general insanity."

"Dad, maybe you weren't the best father in the world but I wouldn't want any other," promised Darcy, throat tightening a little. "You're the best father I could ever wish for. You stayed up late every night I couldn't fall asleep, you hired an actor to be Santa Claus when I thought he wasn't real. You even went to an *N Sync concert with me because Pepper had an emergency. And you hated them. For a while, you were all I had but you lived up to it and more. Yeah, you fucked up a few times but it made me realise that it was okay if I fucked up too."

"I would have fucked up a lot more if it hadn't been for you."

They embraced in a tight hug that lasted a long while because they weren't ready to let the rare moment of truth and vulnerable love go. When they finally broke apart, there were a few more threatening sniffles but they went back to sharing breakfast in companionable silence. It reminded Tony of their long standing tradition of his birthday breakfast in bed. Also of the Stark belief that any fight could be fixed with egg based dishes.

"You know he used to be married. I read his file before the team got together," Tony poked, hoping that Darcy would point some anger towards the archer. He could accept that they were together but it didn't mean he'd have to support it. Even if there was a baby on the way.

"He already told me," smiled Darcy, knowing her father's angle.

"And you're okay with it? It was a while but hey...that reminds me, he's kind of old."

"Dad. I'm fine with it. And it's only a thirteen year difference. You've dated younger."

"What have I told you over the years? As I say, not as I do. Now, back to the current issue. Clint is old. Very old. So old. If you _want_ an older man, go for Steve. I can sleep soundly because he'd be too scared to even touch you without blushing like a tomato."

"Steve's not as innocent as you think- what, no!" Darcy rolled her eyes at Tony's expression that seemed to ask if she'd deflowered a national treasure.

"Ahem," Tony cleared his throat, not wanting to think about who else his daughter may have done anything unsavoury with. "Is Clint planning on making you an honest woman out of you? Should I really expect a dowry? 'Cause I don't think he can afford you."

"We've talked about marriage and agreed it's not for us right now. Clint and his ex were young when they got hitched and he's still got bad memories from his divorce. Then me, I..." searched Darcy, picking at imaginary lint on the bed sheets.

"Too many feminist courses in college?" Offered Tony, making Darcy snort.

"No, well, maybe. I mean, it's all an outdated ritual where a father gives away possesion of his daughter to be owned by another man, right?" The subject was making her uncomfortable and Tony could tell there was more to it than she was trying to let on.

"And let it be known that I'd never give you away to any man."

"Anyway, I figure I still have a chance with Justin Timberlake, I'll hold out a few years just in case he suddenly realises I'm his one true love," Darcy joked and Tony knew better than to push her on the real reason why she and Clint closed the subject of marriage. Darcy had never been the kind to idealise marriage especially with Tony dancing around Pepper all those years and his constant sleeping around.

Also, he knew that the few friends she did have tended to come from or ended up in 'broken homes'- even if the homes were rather nice mansions. But they'd reached their 'serious talk' quota for a while anyhow and their opinions about the flawed notion of marriage were too similar to get them anywhere new.

"You're still not on those Out Of Sync guys are you?"

"It's _*N Sync_ thank you and don't go dissing the boy bands of the 90s. I mean, you're pretty much in a boy band right?"

"That makes me the good looking one right?" winked Tony and getting a shove on the shoulder.

"No, you're the bad boy. Only because Steve beats you out on being the older one with responsibility. You and responsibility?" snorted Darcy and Tony just rolled his eyes as she continued. "Bruce is the shy one, Thor is the pretty one, Clint is the deep, soulful one and Natasha is the talented one that carries everyone else's dead weight on her back."

"I'm talented!"

"You're more brainy than talented."

"Technically, you only need five members for a successful boy band if we include Natasha. I think we can kick Clint out. I'll hold the meeting so we can take a vote."

"Hey, it just means he has more time to have sex with me while I stare into his deep, soulful eyes."

"Don't sully my bedroom with that sort of talk missy. Or my brain. I'll need toilet cleaner for it if you keep going on like that. I'm surprised I didn't have any nightmares last night about you two. Actually, I slept pretty well. I think letting out Papa Bear suits me."

"No, it was the sleeping pills I slipped into your hot chocolate."

"The what?"

"I spiked your hot chocolate with Tranguil Nighttime Sleep Aid. Only like, two pills to get you to start sleeping. Why do you think you slept so long? Don't give me that look."

"What if I fell asleep while I was still in my suit? What if I _fell_ on someone in mid air?"

"I know for a fact you spiked my drinks with whisky to mellow me out when I was a kid."

"I wouldn't have to if you weren't so damn hyper all the time."

"I wouldn't have been so hyper if you didn't feed me so much candy."

"I wouldn't have fed you so much candy if you hadn't cried until I gave in."

"Grow a pair old man. I wouldn't have to occasionally spike your drinks with tranquillisers if you slept more."

"Are you saying you've done it more than once?" Tony sounded outraged but Darcy knew he was enjoying the quick bantering.

"You tried to get me to learn morals from _The Cosby Show _but made a drinking game out of it. Excuse me if I play fast and lose with morality."

"You like that drinking game."

"Yes, yes I do," admitted Darcy, breaking down into laughter at the ridiculousness that was her life. Tony joined her and any tension that was still in the air dissipated completely. "I can't believe you went Iron Man on Clint," Darcy laughed as they fought over the last piece of sausage. "You weren't even a fraction as angry when I got suspended for pot possession. Just told me that I needed to work on not getting caught."

"The Stark name was at stake this time. I was defending you honour. A bit of illegal activity, I can sympathise with. Besides, I knew that Pepper would punish you accordingly. And it meant I got to spend more time with you. It gets boring when someone isn't constantly harassing rogue paparazzi."

"Which was a complete hassle in itself when they decided to try and press charges," said Pepper as she entered the bedroom.

"They didn't know who I was and dad had an alibi so there wasn't much grounds for anything," Darcy pointed out but Pepper ignored the valid reasoning behind her teenage hobbies.

"You two finish up. Tony, you have a meeting with Fury and I think you should practice what you tell him on me first. He's already argued with Phil over falsifying Darcy's parental information in her SHIELD file."

"Well that's Coulson's fault," Tony shot but withered slightly at Pepper's glare.

"He did it because he knew it was the only way to keep you co-operating but now everyone at SHIELD knows that you're Darcy's father. And I'm not cleaning this mess up for you this time."

"Please, you're so good at it," pouted Tony.

"I think this is my cue to leave. Work to do, files to whip into submission, archer boyfriend to grope goodbye. Good luck with Fury and be careful on your mission," Darcy kissed Tony on the cheek and with a final hug, made her way back to SHIELD headquarters. When the door closed, Tony watched it for a few moments as a mournful expression crossed his features.

"She's not a baby anymore Pep. Why can't she stay my baby?"

"She'll always be your baby, Tony," insisted Pepper, her anger slipping away rapidly. Moving Tony's breakfast tray to the bedside table, she sat on the edge of the bed and wiped the forming tears from his eyes before grabbing his hands in hers.

"I've had years to get used to the idea of her liking boys but I still can't wrap my head around it. So much for genius."

"You know the first time she came up to me and told me she had a crush on a boy at school, I may have shed a couple of tears," admitted Pepper with a reassuring squeeze to Tony's hands. "A mix of joy and grief. But they grow up, they have to grow up and that's what makes memories all the more special."

"You're right. Of course you're right. Just, I just wish for a day we could go back to her in her footie pyjamas, drinking chocolate milk from a crazy straw in my workshop," rubbing his face and trying to shake off his mood, Tony let out a sigh when Pepper simply kissed him on the lips.

"I know, come on Tony. You need to talk to Director Fury and then go on a mission with the Avengers," Pepper pushed, trying to pull Tony out of bed.

"So on a scale of one to ten, how angry is Fury?"

"I'd say twenty."

"Thought so. So you're absolutely sure you don't want to help me?" he tried to sway her with puppy dog eyes but his weren't nearly as good as Darcy's. Also, Pepper had become immune to them over the years.

"_Tony_," warned Pepper, "what do you plan on telling Nick?"

"Oh it's Nick now?" Tony raised an eyebrow but didn't get a reaction. "I don't know. Something about how Darcy's my only child and she's important to me?"

"That's a good start. Come on, get dressed and we'll work on something," Pepper offered before faltering slightly. "And...is Darcy really pregnant?" Her eyes were full of worry and it only increased as Tony paused. She didn't need him to speak. The deflation in his demeanour said it all. "No."

"She's keeping it, she said," nodded Tony, wrapping his arms around Pepper as she lay her forehead on his chest.

"She's still young. Her whole life's ahead of her."

"Now who's upset she's still not a baby?" Tony jested but there wasn't any real humour behind it.

"You know, I helped raise her. She's as much my baby as yours," admitted Pepper.

"I know," assured Tony, kissing the top of her head.

"My god, I'm gonna kill Clint!" swore Pepper with a frustrated groan and Tony had to admit he loved it when boardroom Pepper emerged and was ready for the kill. "I make sure the staff stocks everything he needs including condoms for all those one night stands he used to brag about and he can't take the time to open a drawer?"

"I'll be right beside you. You know, I can't help but wonder if there was anything more I could have done. Anything to prevent this?" wondered Tony before a thought suddenly occurred. "You know, all these months, I asked him how the action was and he was pretty detailed. The things he told me...god," Tony felt a sharp pain hit his chest and he started to panic.

"Tony?"

"I hope they were just stories. God. Don't let them be about..."

"Just breathe, look into my eyes and breathe," commanded Pepper, taking Tony's face in her hands and making him look at her. "You're here with me and we're all going to get through this. Understand?"

"Pepper, I can't be a grandfather. I'm so young. _Darcy's_ so young!"

"I know but we're gonna get through this. We'll find a way to make it all okay. You always do you know."

"That I do," Tony agreed, feeling the pain ebb and his pulse start to slow down. He stood still for a moment to let his thoughts settle down a fraction. Darcy was and always would be his baby girl. And Tony would always protect her in anyway he could. But he obviously needed to improve on that not that there was going to be another baby to protect.

"Now come on, one problem at a time. First Fury. Then you can have a man to man with Clint," Pepper said, pulling Tony towards his closet.

"Can I invite Rhodey and Happy?" pouted Tony.

"Only if Clint has Thor with him," Pepper said after some internal debate. "You know, I saw him and he asked for help to set up a 'feast of celebration'. To use his words exactly."

"I think a roast boar might help me come to terms with all this. And some outer space booze."

"I'm _not_ going to start looking for a boar to roast. If you want one, you and Thor can talk about it," Pepper pushed him into his closet and left to start preparing a statement for him. As Tony looked through his suits, JARVIS piped up.

"Sir, I've already started sifting through all the new information on infants within the past ten years."

"Let me guess, you started when Darcy peed on a stick and it said positive," Tony raised an eyebrow.

"That is correct sir."

"You should have told me. I thought I programmed you to tell me these sort of things."

"With all due respect, this was a matter you and Miss Darcy needed to have a conversation about without my interjections. It seemed to be something that she needed to bring up in her own time. You finding the test was not something I accounted for."

Tony found a suit he was happy with and sighed. He decided to not think to much about it for the time being. Or the fact that he was rummaging through her trash and even that baffled the AI that he created.

"So, the top brand strollers and cribs, order them and I'll see what I can do to improve them," Tony announced. "And see what you can do about toys. We'll make this kid an infant utopia."

"Of course sir."

Even if Tony wasn't ready to be a grandfather, he'd make sure he was the best grandfather in the world. Building things was what Tony was good at and he was going to make the most amazing play pen that was humanly possible. A part of him couldn't wait till this kid was a bit older. An ocean of a ball pit was on the top of his list of things to build. It was going to be epic.


End file.
